A couple years ago I was watching a movie in my apartment one evening when my phone rang. It was my mom. She had been out drinking and I could immediately tell she was a little drunk. She also takes several heavy medications and smokes pot. Fine.She was in a strange mood. Seemed out of it. She brought up my ex boyfriend. He and I had been together for 8 years before he cheated on me and married the guy he cheated with. Still hurts to this day, but whatryagonnado? Anyway, mom, out of nowhere, started talking about how handsome he and his man were. How no one was more handsome than them. She was overemphasizing the flattery. I never figured out why. She literally went on and on as I sat and waited for it to be over so I could get back to my movie.Later, she said she had been really messed up on Xanax at the time. She told me she had cussed out a friend of hers and said awful things. She offered that as an excuse in passing, I guess because she realized she had crossed some boundary with me.
Later, she said she had been really messed up on Xanax at the time. She told me she had cussed out a friend of hers and said awful things. She offered that as an excuse in passing, I guess because she realized she had crossed some boundary with me.I have never forgiven her. I will never. It was unmotivated. As I said I was simply in my apartment watching a film. I was in college at the time. I am just a simple gayboy and very empathic and kind. I promise.She tried (and succeeded) in hurting me and I never forgot it. I never will forget it. It keeps me up, still. I can’t make heads or tails of it. In my darkest moments It still surfaces and keeps me submerged.I have never brought it up, or reminded her about it. It was the crossroads moment and I’ll never get back to before then. This once beautiful woman gave me life. I love her. But because of this ONE, hard-to-even-explain moment, my love for her stopped growing. Some line was severed. I won’t miss her when she’s gone and it will be the very last thing I think of whenever I think of her.Be careful with your words, and who you say them to. Love yourselves and each other… and watch your medication and alcohol intake.
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