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As some of you will know, I am not a fan of the monarchy. However, even the most hardened republican recognises that the Queen – our Queen – has been faultless and steadfast in the delivery of her vision of what her position encompasses. She is entitled to respect and what’s more, entitled to end her reign in peace in recognition of her remarkable dedication to her role and to be able to feel that her life’s work has been appreciated by those she served. Irrespective of her position and on a more personal note – as this angers me even more – no matter how stoic and capable she is at 94 and Philip at 99 – how dare these two ingrates bring more stress and worry to their door. These are their last years, months, days even. Phillip is ill and frail, is this snot-bubble of self-pity the cloud that should see out their lives?

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Okay, so I was at school one day I was sick and tired of being bullied. Every day I would come to school and people would just start picking on me and saying mean things to me that hurt my feelings. I didn’t tell them that because they would just keep doing the same thing and then it will be worse. So I just suffered in silence. Until one day I had enough. After school, I hurried and rode the bus home. I was home alone because my mom was at work so I went into the medicine cabinet and grabbed a bottle of pills. I was about to shove them down my throat when my phone rang. It was one of my guy friends. He told me he loves me so much and doesn’t want anything to happen to me. So soon as he said that I put the pills back in the bottle and cried happy tears. He also told me there are people out there that care about me.

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My bedroom was at the end of the hall on the second floor. With mono, just walking down the stairs was exhausting, so I ended up spending an inordinate amount of time in my room. My sleeping patterns were all screwy — I’d sleep a lot during the day, and then find myself unable to sleep at night. So I read a lot. My Mom arranged a reading light on my headboard, so I could read well into the night. The cord from the lamp went up the wall, and across the ceiling to the plug in the light fixture in the center of the ceiling. Every night, as I lay there reading, the entire house — from foundation to the attic above me — just shuddered. I could hear the house creaking during the shudders. Sometimes, it shuddered only once; other times it would shudder a few times, widely spaced apart.

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I asked my Mom about the shudder, whether she’d felt it or not — she hadn’t felt it and dismissed it as probably being the log trucks going down the road across the river. I never bought that one as log trucks weren’t operating in the middle of the night, and during the day one could never feel the house shudder when whole fleets of trucks went down that road. Besides, our house was on one side of the Clackamas River, and the river road was on the other — maybe 300 yards away, or more. Anyway, one night as I was lying there reading, the house shuddered. I watched that light cord on my ceiling gently sway when the shudder happened. (It didn’t do that during log truck trips down the river.) I put the book down, and said, out loud, “Okay, you old ghost. If you’re there, just shake this house three times right now.”

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The first was Rick B. I was a rookie at the time, and was put with this guy with a 52 chest and 3 head. Big and stupid. Thought he was funny, and would crack jokes that were unworthy of a kindergarten comedian. We got a call one night of a possible gunshot near Chinook Center in Calgary. Probably just a backfire from a car. Maybe a firecracker. He was driving at the time. He stopped right out in the open under a light in the parking lot (good for being inconspicuous and awesome cover from fire, being all lit up with nowhere to go). He reached back into his briefcase, and brought out a short, folding 12 gauge shotgun.

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If she isn’t feeling hurt and angry it’s probably because she has resigned herself to the fact that her power has been curtailed and respect for Philip as head of the family has been dismissed by H&M. Her namesake, Elizabeth I was certainly aware of her power slipping away as she aged as various factions in court vied for position. It caused her great distress. As this crapola of credulous cringe must be causing our present Queen. Old age…nature’s Fancy Dress costume for the fit and able. Why do some people confuse old age for a loss of identity? Be certain, H&M that you show contempt for older people at your peril. Underneath that stooped frame or changed appearance they are the same people they always were and your time-worn belief that you will be forever young will bite you on the ass.

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