I was jogging in the American Flag I’m coming for everything they said I would never have shirt in addition I really love this schoolyard behind my house last summer on a humid day. I felt like I was breathing carbon monoxide fumes that caused me great distress. I had on too much clothing and my hood up to make the workout as tough as possible. I stepped into a divot on the field and wrenched my back out. I lay against the fence unable to move or even turn over. I passed out and was woken by the sound of a payloader trying to pick me up in its bucket to load me into the bed of a truck. I heard a police siren and someone complaining about security or lay-off it. I was put in the bucket and dumped in the truck when I let out a screen. Everyone stopped to investigate the noise. I was covered in leaves and dog shit from people who walked their dogs around the field. The homeowner mistook me for a pile of trash someone dumped behind his house. I said what the fuck are you doing. I scared everyone when I spoke. The homeowner apologized and said he thought someone had dumped a pile of shit behind his house. The cop wrote me a ticket for loitering and left. You bet my feelings were hurt I told my father I had to choose my mother over him to live with when they divorced because I was marrying Steven Douglas Smith as soon as I finished high school. To my daddy, this was a slap in the face because he was not picked and considered Steven beneath me. I was disowned for 33 years. The truth was I would not let him know I was knocked up for fear he’d arrange with the courts for me to be sent again to another detention facility even worse than the last. I was living in Spain, where tipping is neither expected nor common because most waiters are professionals and make a living wage. However, we lived in Malaga, on the costa del sol, and many waiters there were poorly paid immigrants. I always left these hard-working guys a tip. One lunch companion, a middle-class Brit, habitually tried to scoop up the money and pocket it. I had to either defend my right to leave a gratuity or ignore her theft. I chose the former. She was totally Unembarrassed, which shocked me. Once she actually went back to the table to steal the tip after we had left the restaurant. After that, I always handed money to the waiter. Funny thing is, she seemed totally infused at being caught. I was in my early 20s and had been hospitalized with a high fever and pericardial effusion.